Whenever I visit Red Hot and Blue, my former place of employment, I like to saunter in like I own the place grab my drink, maybe wander into the kitchen-- where I'll often have to stop in the doorway because a manager or other authoritative person is there and say, "Oh shit. I keep getting lost and ending up here." Otherwise, especially if Angela is there I'll be like, "hey, can you get me some banana pudding" and she'll say, "Sure baby. Get a container." Then I'll grab one randomly and she'll say, "No! Not that one, you stupid? The pint container."
I smile and shrug and get her what she wants then she gives me what I want which I usually immediately hide within my jacket or my shirt and then I wander outside looking guiltily at the manager, usually larry before devouring it with the animalistic passion of someone who hasn't eaten in forever and doesn't know when she'll eat again.
That's the extent my naughtiness goes to nowadays, not that I'm necessarily complaining. It's really fun to misbehave and do things that are not illegal, but that are still just the wrong thing to do. Supposedly at Christmas time we're going to go through the halls of K & C 's apartment and switch everyone's christmas wreaths and then see what happens. See, that's the kind of thing I want to do. When I break laws, 75% of the time its because I think the law is silly and most of the other percent of the time its because I don't realize I'm breaking the law, but that's just not the same as being naughty.
Sometimes it is. Like when we do shots in the car, or just outside of it on the street, but K & C and me don't like to drink and drive, so when we do that there's a DD, or a Taxi close by. We haven't even done that lately. *sigh.*
We used to go to Clarendon and collect "trophies". These were not necessarily trophies per se, but more like interesting belongings of other people. Specifically, leis. People like to go out to bars and dance floors wearing leis apparently. It probably has something to do with something stupid like, "Haha, you just got leid."
Well, fuck. We would go around and unlei people. It was awesome. Christine and I had different tactics. She would go up to a guy, dance with him, ask for his lei and he would say, "Yeah girl, you know I want to lei you," or something to that effect. It was a very effective way to get leid. She got like 3 or 4 on one night.
Me. My MO. I would watch those with leis from afar, nursing their drinks, and I would stealthily stalk them about the ballroom and then... THEN I would run up behind or in front of them, grab the lei and run away. Sometimes it would get caught on their neck. Sometimes they would get very angry and Christine would make me give the lei back. Sometimes they'd give me a look like, "Did you just steal my lei? What the fuck is wrong with you?" and I'd just smile sweetly, and put the lei around Christine's alabaster neck.
I never got leid as much as her, but I feel like my way of lei-ing was slightly more exciting and fun.
There was this one time. it was the time right before we met Patrick the Leprechaun, Harold and Kumar and saw JohnfromFredericksburg. This was the night of Kevins 1 and 2. Kevin1 was your typical drunk fellow who gets separated from his friends on the search for honeys. He started dancing with us and Christine admired his necklace. It was right around St. Patrick's day. His necklace was light up and it had a shamrock on it. Christine had been chatting him up a bit and I was just trying to shake my groove thing in my reckless abandon toddlerlike white girl fashion when she told me, "Amber, I want that necklace."
"I got this." I nodded and winked at her... and then proceeded to do my usual sneak attack steal. The necklace was dropped on the floor in the struggle. It broke a little, but not too badly. Kevin1 looked down at it with tears forming in his eyes, "You broke my necklace."
"Nah dawg nah. It's good." I said with a smile.
"Were you trying to steal my necklace?"
"No, I was trying to dance with you." I smiled cherubically. which is apparently not a word. I need a thesaurus.
"You were trying to steal my necklace. Wasn't she?" he turned to Christine.
Christine looked at me and then at him as if she was going to give my supersecretbutapparentlyobvious plan away.
"Let's just dance, okay?" I suggested, my eyes not moving away from my actual goal which was the necklace. We danced again and this time I got the necklace off of his neck and ran away calling after Christine to follow me before Kevin1 saw us.
Surprisingly, she didn't follow me. I looked back at her and she beckoned me back. Kevin1 was definitely crying about his necklace. what a pussy its just a necklace, I rolled my eyes.
"You were trying to steal my necklace and you broke it!"
"Hey hey, it's okay. how much did it cost anyways? Its just a cheap necklace. You can do without it."
"No I can't. I got it at a festival today. It was $7.50. Why did you steal my necklace?"
"$7.50 is nothing. Don't worry about it. There'll be other festivals and other necklaces."
"Amber, give it back to him." Christine said.
"But its mi-i-ne..." I whi-ined.
"Amber..."
"All right. I'll give it back." Perhaps she didn't see the gleam in my eye. I proceeded to try my Christine type feminine wiles and get the necklace legitimately. Perhaps this plan would have worked in the beginning, but after stealing the necklace twice already and breaking it, I think he was a little suspicious of my motives.
I slammed him against the wall after a bit of dancing and, "Why won't you give me your necklace? you know you want to." and him responding, "No I don't. I like my necklace."
"C'mon," I said "seductively", "What do I gotta do to get this thing?"
"Well..." He said looking down at his pants.
"No, that's really not going to happen."
And then we fought forever over that damn necklace with me trying to slip it over his head while he sobbed and tried to hold it on until Christine pulled us apart and made me leave him alone.
"Christine, I was getting the necklace for you. I had it..."
"Amber, you made him cry."
That was a great night.
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